The truth about being one year sober (with depression)

Day 371.

Last weekend I celebrated one year sober. You. GUYS. I can not even believe it. When I began this journey I did not think that I could make it a week, never mind a whole year! And while I am immensely proud of myself for making it to this milestone, I did not feel much like celebrating. Certainly not the way I envisioned celebrating when I pictured this day in my mind many times before. Let me explain.

On my 365th day without alcohol, I had just come off of a week-long vacation where 1. is rained the entire time and 2. I ate shit food the entire time. (These things go hand in hand with one another- they always have for me.) My body felt like trash and I had RAGE-y PMS. In addition, I have been weaning down/ off my anti-depressants and I’m just a bit off. Needless to say, I spent most of my sober-versary in tears and self loathing. Good times. Good times.

I mean, the week long sugar binge and PMS weren’t helping, but ugly thoughts started to emerge and I couldn’t stop them…I’m nobody, no one cares about me, it isn’t even a big deal to be a year sober, other people with more time are probably laughing at me, who do I think I am and so on and so forth. Depression is a lying bitch and I hate her. None of the above mentioned things are the truth- I KNOW THAT. But sometimes that bitch is so damn loud! Depression ruled most of that day and I was pleased to tuck myself into bed at 7:00PM that night.

But, honestly, it doesn’t matter that I had a shit day. It doesn’t matter that I cried for most of it. And the reason for that is: I get to celebrate my life everyday. I get to wake up without a hangover, free of shame and live my best life.

Does my life sometimes include depression? Yes. Are all my days are perfectly perfect? FUCK NO. But… I have truly created a life I adore all of which came from quitting alcohol, getting clear on my true purpose and going for it!

And now I want to help others do the same.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen some posts recently about my new biz. Born out of my love for helping others and my passion to lead, My Soulful Sobriety has something for women at all stages of recovery- and life! The first program, The Sobriety Experiment is set to launch in the fall and was created for the sober curious and/or anyone who is ready to take a break from alcohol. Head here to learn more and sign up!

While I have thoroughly enjoyed sharing my story here, I will be devoting most of my time to My Soulful Sobriety. I’m ready to spread good into the world. I’m ready for my next step.